I'm Giving up on you
by JohnnyCake13
Summary: PART 3 TO 'I DON'T UNDERSTAND' AND 'SAY SOMETHING! Rayna and Johnny's dads' are dead, but what happens when Johnny's mother gets a new boyfriend? The journey ain't over yet!
1. Chapter 1 Only the beginning

"I'm giving up on you"

(Part 3 of 'I don't understand' and 'Say something'.)

Ages: Darry= 22; Two-bit= 20; Dally= 19; Steve= 19; Soda= 19; Johnny= 18; Pony= 16; Rayna= 15; Ciara= 18; Scar= 20.

Chapter 1 "Only the beginning"

Ever since that day me and Rayna were in her room and I told her she was the most beautiful person I ever seen and not even God knew how much I loved her, me and her gotten more serious.

The thing is we haven't told the gang yet were dating. We been dating for technically a year now. I'm 18 now, and school just started back up, it was cold out but Christmas already pasted.

It was around 12 at night, I was in the living room lying on the couch with Steve, Two-bit, and Soda in the room. Darry had work tomorrow so he went to sleep, Rayna and Pony were asleep because they had school tomorrow.

Dally had just left to go to Buck's. And I was planning on leaving that night when everybody went to bed, because I was going to skip school tomorrow and I know Rayna would beg me.

So later on that night after Steve left, Soda went to bed, and Two-bit pasted out on the floor, I sneaked out. I sneaked through my window, and fell asleep pretty quick.

Since, you know my dad, kind of….died. I'm still not sure if I should be happy or sad. I'm happy because I don't have to worry about him exploding about the littlest things then taking it out on me. Then I'm sad because he's my dad, and I just knew, or more like thought he really did love me deep down.

Now I'm not sure who to believe, except for the gang, and of course Rayna. My mom won't even talk to me, and when I try to talk to her she will explode on me. Say things like it's my fault that my dad died.

During those moments when she's yelling at me, I would rather be getting beat. That sounds so terrible that I would rather have that happen, but it is better, to me. I hate being ignored, rather have someone notice me then to be ignored, and when my dad beat me, he noticed me.

I laid in bed for hours trying to find tiredness, but it took forever. I finally drifted off to sleep when the sun was just coming up.

I woke up at 5, not A.M., but P.M. It felt weird waking up at that time. Physically it was 5, but in my head, mentally it was 8 in the morning. I wanted to get out of the house so I decided to walk around the neighborhood.

I walked past the bowling alley, and the dingo. And when I was passing Buck's, I ran into Dally and Ciara.

"Hey Johnnycakes," Ciara and Dally greeted.

"It's about time you showed up, the gang has been wondering where you are," Dally said.

"I've been sleeping, at my house," I said quietly.

They ended up going to the Curtis' but I told them I needed to go back home. Dally at first didn't like the idea but he let me go anyways.

I got home at 6:30. When I entered the house, I heard the most unusual thing, laughing. I entered the living room, and my mom was sitting on the couch laughing along with an older man.

The older man had brown hair slicked back, he was pale like my mom, and had dull blue eyes. Well I always thought they looked bright, and described them as bright, but now they are dull, just plain dull.

He had on jeans that were ripped where the knees were, and a plain white T-shirt that had some dirt on it.

"Mom?" I got her attention.

"Yes?" she asked…..happily, kind of excited too.

This was weird, really weird.

"Who's this?" I asked.

"This is Frank."

"Hello, Johnny, I'm your mother, your wonderful mother's boyfriend," Frank said excitedly.

'Since when is she wonderful,' I thought, 'maybe I'm dreaming.'

"Oh, okay," I said, not knowing what to think.

Should I be scared? But I could be dreaming, there's still a chance I could be dreaming. Should I be happy? My mom has been moping around. But then again she never cared if I was moping around, she would throw me out of the house if she saw me doing that.

They went back to talking, and laughing, as I awkwardly went to my room. I was so deep in thought, I almost tripped on the steps. I went to sleep thinking about my mom and her new boyfriend.

My worst fear, is him turning out to be like my dad.

Then this wouldn't be a dream anymore.

More like a nightmare….

Author's note: Sorry this is short but here you go, first chapter in Johnny's POV! R&amp;R Please so I now people are reading this.


	2. Chapter 2 Sleepovers

Chapter 2

That weekend Ciara came over. I'm 15 now, but Darry still thinks that I shouldn't be home alone. He thinks I'll make a mess. So it's not a girls' night, more like her babysitting me.

"HEY RAY!" Ciara barged in my room excitedly, and then started jumping on my bed.

"Hey Ciara," I said, bouncing from her jumping by me.

"So what do you want to do?" Ciara asked.

"Where's Dar?" I asked.

"He just left," Ciara said jumping down.

"So are you supposed to watch me or something, cause I told Darry I don't need a babysitter, I'm 15 for Jesus sake!" I said.

And that was true I did tell Darry that but he still wanted someone to watch me, just because I was the youngest in the gang doesn't mean I'm a kid.

"Don't worry I'll let you be free," Ciara jumped back on the bed, then jumped off yelling, "LIKE A BIRD!"

I smiled at her hyperness, she wasn't acting 18 that was for sure.

"Let's order pizza!" I said.

"Okay! Where's the phone," Ciara ran out of the room.

"In the kitchen," I called after her.

"Found it," she yelled.

(A/N: WARNING THE NEXT SMALL PARAGRAPH WILL SPOIL THE END TO THE MOVIE 'INSTRUTIONS NOT INCLUDED')

We ordered pizza and got a liter of Dr. Pepper. Then watched a Spanish movie with English words, Ciara was crying at the end saying, 'why did the little girl have to die why not the old man?' we were watching 'Instructions not included'.

Then we kind of just hanged out watching movies and eating. Then I got the smart idea to smear chocolate icing all over my face.

"Let's clean you up," Ciara said after she realized what I did.

"Okay," I run to the bathroom.

I cleaned off my face then had to clean the sink because it was now a light brown. Then Ciara spotted Soda and Darry's shaving cream.

She picked it up with this evil, happy, crazy laugh. That meant she had an idea.

"What?" I asked, as I whipped my face with a towel.

She laughed once more and then sprayed the bathroom counter with shaving cream. Then stuck her hand down in the middle smearing it over the whole counter.

I laughed too, then did the same, but I made hand prints on the mirror. And then smeared it all over the mirror, then took a razor and acting like I was shaving the mirror.

Ciara copied me, and then, finally we cleaned everything up with white towels.

"See using white towels was a bright idea," Ciara said happily.

"About when people use them?" I asked.

Ciara frowned, "this is not such a bright idea."

"You think," I turned on the water washing the towels I had, but making a bigger mess.

"Let me, let me, I'll do it," Ciara took the towels and washed them.

I watched then sneaked off to the kitchen and made apples and peanut butter, while I was eating them I got peanut butter on my hands, and then I just kind of rubbed it all over them.

That's when Ciara came in, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Nothing," I said sarcastically.

She took me in the bathroom and made me wash them, while she went in the other room.

I went back in the living room and she wasn't there.

"Oh, Jesus, where is she?" I asked myself.

I heard her in the other room, and followed the noise she was making in my older brothers' room. I entered Soda and Pony's room, and she was on the floor going through a box full of stuff.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

She looked up at me and held up the box, "we could use this paint to paint our shirts!"

"Cool!" I said, smiling.

"Do you wanna?"

"Yep," I said, taking the box.

"Do you have a shirt I could borrow?" Ciara asked.

"Yep come on let's go get them from my room."

We run up the stairs and I found a tank top for me and t-shirt for Ciara. Then we went back down stairs and put plastic bags in the shirt and tank top and put them on the table.

We got paper plates out and put the paint on them, I ran back to my room and got a paint brush. Then when I got to the kitchen I started to paint my tank top, with the brush and the painting stamps Ciara found.

When we finished we both did splatter paint on the back so the kitchen was a mess. Ciara and I ran around trying to get everything cleaned up with dawn soap and paper towels….it wasn't working very well.

I splattered paint on the oven, sink, and table….and floor. So I got the mop and mopped the floor while Ciara got the table and sink cleaned up. I then did the oven, and then let Ciara clean the stamps while I put the paint up and hanged up the shirts.

"Whose idea was this anyways?" Ciara asked.

"Yours," I said simply.

"Yeah whatever," she said.

We took a shower together with swim suits on, because we were covered in paint. We switched places every now and then to get under the water.

When we got out and after we got dressed, we threw the trash bag in the can right outside, and that's when we realized that we been up all night, and the sun was coming up.

"Wow we been up all night," I said.

"Oh-no."

"What?" I asked Ciara.

"OH-NO!" she repeated.

"What?" I asked again.

"What time is it?" she ran back in.

"I don't know," I said, running after her.

The clock read 5:30 A.M.

"Darry's going to be here in an hour and a half!" Ciara started to panic, looking around at the mess, in the living room, and kitchen.

"Okay, okay, we can do this," I tried to calm her down.

She rushed to the kitchen, "I'll finish the kitchen and you do the living room."

"Okay," I said, and went to the living room.

I pick up the pizza box, and the empty liter of soda, and threw it away. After that Ciara ran around the house all hyper active, skipping around singing. Can't really picture an 18 year old doing that but I can, if I was thinking of Ciara!

Then I put on 'Stand By Me', she was skipping around the kitchen, but as soon as the music hit in the beginning she ran in the living room, and hopped up on the couch and lightly said, happily, "Oh look, Stand By Me."

Darry then walked through the door, "Hey guys!"

Author's note: Everything that happened in this chapter happened in real life, except Ciara= my cousin Itsjewells. Rayna= me. Soda and Pony= my older sister. Darry= my dad.

Funny story: I locked my self in my room a few days ago and jumped out my window, I just now got feeling in my legs yesterday. Then yesterday I went to a party with 3 of my sisters and my cousin= Ciara! We got into a fight with a group of girls and boys, and almost got into a rumble! They were socs, probably 15 or 16 of them and there was only 4 of us not counting my youngest sister that's 3. But we ended up winning anyways!

Itsjewells (my cousin) was like Dally, I was like Johnny, Melissa (13 year old sister) was like Two-bit, and Megan (11 year old sister) was like Pony.


	3. Chapter 3 It's over my head

Chapter 3 "It's over my head"

I woke up the next morning, or should I say afternoon with the sun in my eyes, and a weird, but good smell coming from down stairs. I mean it must be good, since it smelled like food, but weird cause I was smelling food, in MY house.

I slowly made it down stairs, to find not my mom but Frank making breakfast.

He completely ignored me as I made my way towards him. I didn't want to hang around not even for food. I didn't know him, and honestly didn't want to. I haven't ate anything yesterday, or today yet.

So yeah, I was starving. But I went longer than 2 days before. I walked to the Curtis' and Rayna was sitting outside on the porch looking up at the clouds curiously.

"Hey," I got her attention.

She smiled once she saw me, and patted the stair next to her for me to sit down. I sat down and she asked, "Where have you been haven't seen you lately?"

"Oh you know, home," I said.

"How's everything at….your…house?" she asked.

"Good, but my mom, she's…" I trailed off.

"Ignoring you?" Rayna tried to guess.

"No, she kind of got a boyfriend."

"That's possible for her!?" Rayna said, making me laugh.

"Yeah apparently!" I said.

"What's he like? Is he cute? What's his name? How does he treat you?" she asked all at once.

"I don't know I just met him yesterday. I don't know I'm not a girl. His name's Frank. And I don't know again just met him yesterday," I explained.

"He better not treat you like your dad did. And how do you not know if he's cute or not, it doesn't matter that you're a boy?" she asked.

"I don't know how about you come over some time and meet him," I said sarcastically.

"Okay."

"I didn't really mean it Ray."

"Doesn't matter I'm going to meet him one of these days!" She jumped up, "let's go inside."

I followed her and no one was in there. Which is also weird considering there's ALWAYS people at the Curtis'.

"Want to do something?" Rayna asked.

"Like what?" I asked.

"I don't know, something fun!"

"Like?"

"I just said I don't know," Rayna plopped down on the couch saying.

"We could watch TV?" I suggested, sitting down next to her.

"Sure," she grabbed the remote and turned the TV on.

We sat in silence while we watched, Rayna made popcorn and we had sodas. After the movie we decided to visit Soda and Steve at the DX. We walked and talked about nothing really important, random things actually.

I left and went to the lot that night after I ate dinner at their house. I don't know really why I went to the lot, it's not like I'm not allowed to go home, plus it wasn't like it used to be. I guess it was just a habit.

I really wanted to get to know Frank better, he seemed nice, but I was kind of scared of him. Because I was so used to my dad, acting like himself. But this was my mom's new boyfriend, that's different.

I was still scared, I really don't know why, but I am. I guess I'm afraid he'll turn out like my dad. My dad was the only older guy I knew, besides Rayna's dad, but that doesn't help much.

I didn't know what to think. Should I? I don't think I should right now, I mean I did just meet him. How am I supposed to know if he's nice or not. I don't know him that well; yet, that is….

I went back home and the house was empty. My mom was out somewhere, hopefully it wasn't for beer. She has been getting drunk a lot more lately. She's been acting depressed, like she missed my ole man.

But that doesn't make any sense.

Later on while I'm in my room trying to sleep. The front door barged open, with a couple of slurred voices filling the air, and echoing throughout the house.

That's when the peace that was once in the house was gone. The quietness was gone. Everything that was calm and normal, for once, was now gone. Everything turned upside down.

And that's when everything started, that night.

Author's note: Sorry it's so short, I'll make the next chapter longer. R&amp;R please!


	4. Chapter 4 I know nothing at all

Chapter 4 "I know nothing at all"

That night after Johnny left while I was lying in bed trying to get to sleep, listening to the guys talking down stairs I heard yelling or more like screaming coming from down the street.

It sounded like those fights me and the gang heard coming from Johnny's house, coming from his parents. But it can't be his parents. His father's dead.

I tried to think as I looked around the dark room, only a little light coming through the window from the moon.

That's when it hit me. Johnny's mom's new boyfriend, Frank.

Then I remembered the last time I did this, and overreacted.

I sat up in bed, it might not even be coming from Johnny's house. Man, would I feel stupid then. So I laid back down and fell asleep 20 minutes later.

The next day I lounged around. Ciara went on a date with Dally and Scar went on a date with Two-bit to the bowling alley.

I was home alone. Soda, Steve, and Darry at work, Pony with Two-bit at his house, and like I said Ciara and Dally, and Scar and Two-bit on their dates.

I was watching Mickey Mouse when all of a sudden the phone rang.

I picked it up, and it was just heavy breathing on the other line, so I hanged up think it was a prank. Later on the day, around 2 when everyone got home, it rang again, and I answered again.

"Hello?"

It was silent for several seconds, with the same heavy breathing, I was about to hang up when the person on the other end said, "Rayna?"

A confused look on my ace appeared and I said, "Who's this?"

"I know it will be hard to believe but…..it's Brandon…..your brother."

Tears welled up in my eyes as I said, "this isn't funny."

"It's true, it's Brandon."

I snapped.

"Shut up, no you're not!" I tried to keep quiet/calm but couldn't, I screamed it while throwing the phone.

"What's going on in here?" Darry walked in, but quickly stopped when he looked at me.

"What's wrong?" he kneeled down by me, by that time Soda was in the room along with the rest of the gang kind of watching what was going on in the background.

I was having, well I don't know what I was having, a mixture of a panic attack, and a mental break down.

I was in a fetal position, and crying. I couldn't answer Darry with words, and just pointed at the phone. Darry grabbed it and brought it up to his ear to say hello. While Soda came to me, sitting next to me, and pulling me up to his chest, hugging me.

"He says he's Brandon," I whispered to Soda.

He looked at me then gave to news to Darry who was already yelling at the guy for calling. Then when Darry was about to hang up, Dally grabbed the phone and started to cuss him out.

Everyone was there except Two-bit, Scar, and Ciara. Ciara fell asleep at Buck's, and Two-bit walked Scar home and was going to be back any minute.

As Dally cussed at the guy, Darry sat on the other side of me. I leaned on his chest and he played with my hair.

I wouldn't move, even when Dally slammed the phone down, hanging it up. Darry picked me up and about to take me up stairs to sleep, but I told him to take me to the living room.

"Not the couch, Darry, I don't want to lay down," I informed him.

He sat me down on his recliner, and as everything settled down, it picked back up once Two-bit walked through the door.

"Clear the couch," he announced, and Dally was the only one on the couch.

"Why should I clear the-"

Dally was interrupted by the sight he saw, in Two-bit's arms was Johnny Cade. It's like he just picked up Johnny from the lot on a normal day when his dad would beat him bad.

But his dad's dead. So what happened?

What if it was Frank? I totally forgot my problem and turned my attention to Johnny's problem. He was passed out unconscious and in Two-bit's arms, well before he put him on the couch.

"What happened?" Dally was the first to ask.

"I don't know, found him wandering around," Two-bit said.

"How can he wander around….like that?" Steve asked.

"Beats me," Two-bit laid Johnny on the couch.

"Do ya think, the socs got to him again?" Pony asked.

"I just said I don't know, so how am I supposed to answer?"

Pony shrugged moving over by the couch to see the damage done to out gang's pet. Johnny was awake I could tell, he just didn't have his eyes open, but I could tell, I could also tell he was listening.

"Well I want to know who did this so I can kill them," Dally half yelled, and half whispered.

"We don't know Dal," Darry said.

"Yeah, Dally only Johnny does," Two-bit added.

"Then I'll just wait for him to wake up," Dally said sitting down in the rocking chair by the couch, "then I'll go kill whoever did it."

I sighed and looked down at Johnny's battered up face, and then tried to move his bangs away from his eyes. I wanted to kiss him, I had to admit, but that will pretty much give away that we are dating.

And I have a feeling Johnny doesn't want anyone to know. It wasn't a good time anyways.

"So Two-bit how did the date go?" Soda asked, trying to get everyone's minds off Johnny.

"Great, Scar's a good kisser."

"Wait, you kissed her?" Steve asked, kind of shocked, not for Two-bit but for Scar.

"Yeah, why is that such a surprise?" Two-bit asked.

Steve shrugged, but Dally answered, "Because Scar doesn't seem like the type to kiss something like you, bum."

"I am not a bum," Two-bit defended.

"Says the person that refused to get up to go to the bathroom, because they were too lazy, yesterday," Pony pointed out, making everyone laugh, except me.

I kept wondering if it was Frank who did this. I had a feeling I was right, but I have to ask Johnny, alone if I can. But with the gang all in here, and them probably staying all night, I won't have a chance.

So I excused myself to go to bed, and went upstairs. I took a quick shower so I could relax, but when I got into bed, the only thing, or should I say person I was thinking about, was Johnny.

Author's note:

Sorry it took so long to update, I have school coming up, and might not be able to update as much, but I will finish this story. It just might take a while. I hope there is people reading this, if your reading this then please R&amp;R!


	5. Chapter 5 i will stumble and fall

Chapter 5 "I will stumble and fall"

My whole body ached as I walked through the neighborhood, trying to figure out where I was. I was stumbling, and trying not to trip over my own feet. I was out of it.

But then I started to hear a far out voice that sounded like Two-bit. I couldn't make out the words but I knew he was yelling at me. I could barely see, I was trying not to pass out in the middle of the street.

But I couldn't take the pressure in my legs that were bring me down, so I sat down on the curve. I felt someone touch my shoulder, but I didn't look who it was. I didn't care.

Two-bit, well I think it was Two-bit was pulling me up making me stand. I didn't help, I just let him pull me up and let me lean on him. He sat me back down once he realized I wasn't going to walk, and picked me up.

I pasted out, and woke up in the Curtis on the couch, hearing everyone talk.

"What happened?" Dally asked.

"I don't know found him wandering around," Two-bit told them.

"How can he wander around…like that?" it sounded like, Steve asked.

"Beats me," Two-bit said.

"Do ya think the socs got to him again?" Pony asked.

It wasn't the socs, I thought.

"I just said I don't know, so how am I supposed to answer?" it was Two-bit, again.

I wonder if they know that I'm listening.

"Well I want to know who did this so I can kill them," Dally yelled/whispered.

I hope he does kill him.

"We don't know Dal," Darry said.

"Only Johnny knows," Two-bit added.

"Then I'll just wait for him to wake up," Dally paused, "Then I'll go kill whoever did this." After Dally said that I couldn't keep my eyes open so I drifted off to sleep.

I opened my eyes slowly, glancing around the room I could see Two-bit on the floor with cake in his lap and beer in his hand. I could see Steve rushing Soda to get ready through the hallway, and I could see Darry telling them to hurry up before he leaves without them.

Rayna and Pony were gone, but I could see Dally slumped in the chair next to the couch. His eyes barely open, watching everything happening around him.

"Come on you two I'm leaving, I mean it, I'm leaving," Darry repeated.

"Were coming Dar," Soda rushed to the door alongside Steve.

Before Darry went out the door, he turned towards Dally, Two-bit, and me, which makes Soda and Steve stop since he's blocking the door.

"Two-bit, Dally?" Darry got their attention, "if Johnny wakes up, don't ask him questions. Call me, or Soda and Steve, they we be off at 12, and I'll be off at 4. I want to make sure no bones are broken, and if anything's too bad we will take him to the hospital."

"Alright Superman," Two-bit said turning back to the TV.

"Why can't I ask him any questions?" Dally asked, and I winced.

I didn't want any questions.

They won't like the answers, especially Dally.

"It's too early for questions. Let him settle in first. We know it's not his dad, or the socs it was too deep into the east side where Two-bit found him for socs to do this. So if it's not his dad, nor the socs, then it's probably someone worse," Dally explained.

Dally grumbled, "Fine, bt if you guys take too long, I'm not waiting to ask."

"We won't." Soda said.

"Don't Dally, okay?" Darry asked.

"Okay."

I dozed off again about 15 minutes later. Then woke up once again to the flickering TV, and bombs being dropped on the war marathon that was currently on. I smelled food, and heard talking and laughing in there, so I was guessing the gang was in there.

I felt so tired, not tired like I wanted to go back to sleep, but tired like….I don't know, I guess tired of everything. Tired of life.

Beyond the kitchen I could hear Rayna running through the hallway towards the living room, I guess to check up on me. She stopped at the end of the hallway in the entrance of the living room, and a huge smile spread across her face when she saw me.

"Hey," I said kind of sleepily.

"HI!" she said joyfully.

"What are y'all doing?" I asked.

"Making dinner. Are you hungry?" she asked.

"Ray, who are you talking to?" Soda asked from the kitchen.

"Johnnycake," Rayna answered simply.

Before we knew it the gang were surrounding me. Darry kneeled down to get to my level and put with hand on my forehead.

"You're burning up," he said, then got up to get the thermometer.

Author's Note:

Sorry, it's so short. I haven't been working on it a lot lately, and I kind of just stopped at this part, I was going to make it longer but I decided not too, and make the next chapter longer. Since you guys been waiting so long.


	6. Chapter 6 i'm learning to love

Chapter 6 "I'm learning to love"

I'm glad Johnny's finally awake, but now here comes the questions. Dally won't stop until he gets the answers he wants.

Dally kept asking the same 2 questions, 'who did this?' and 'what happened?'

I sat back and watched everyone ask him questions, and watched Johnny's reaction to every question. I eventually went up to my room. I put on my radio and listened to Green Day until I fell asleep.

The next day I woke up to an empty house well except for Johnny on the couch. I sneaked in the kitchen and got a snack. I paid no attention to the sounds coming from the living room, thinking it was just Johnny tossing and turning in his sleep.

I almost made it past Pony and Soda's room until a voice stopped me,

"Rayna?"

It was Johnny.

I turned around on my heel and plopped down in the chair next to the couch. Johnny was sitting up staring at me.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"I think Dallas hates me."

"What? Why?" I asked.

"Cause I didn't answer any of his questions. I ignored them. He just stormed off, he never came back last night like he said he would."

"He just needs to cool down, Johnnycake. You know how Dally can get," I told him.

"I know…." Johnny trailed off.

I wasn't going to ask him anything about his scars or wounds, or where he got them from. I could tell he thought I was going to ask, but I wasn't going to. He didn't have to worry.

"So….. are you hungry or thirsty?" I asked.

"No," he said flatly, giving me this fake smile when he realized I was staring at him.

"Okay," I scooted closer towards him.

I moved his bangs back, kissed him on the forehead, and asked, "Are you okay?"

He finally let go of his fake smile, tears slowly rolled down his face, as he whispered, "I don't want to be me."

My heart skipped a beat, "don't say that."

"Why?" he asked, "I'll never mean a thing to anyone," he started to cry a little harder, and I hugged him a little tighter, "I'm young, and I'm hopeless….I'm lost and I know this….. I'm going nowhere fast….. That's what they say….. I'm troublesome, I've fallen…. It's me against the world, and do you know what…I don't care. I'm not important everyone will just do fine without me."

I hugged him and rocked him in my arms. He cried on my shoulders. Whoever did this, it scared, no it scared Johnny worse than the time the gang told me about the socs that jumped him.

He finally fell back to sleep, and I laid him back down.

My brothers finally showed up, and I was still sitting on the couch.

Johnny woke up.

"Hey Johnnycake you look better. Do you feel better?" Soda asked.

Johnny looked up at them, looked at me, and then said something none of us will forget. Something was very wrong with Johnny when he said it. This was worse than we thought.

"I don't know if I'm getting better or just used to the pain."

That made me freeze, he was bad, worse than usual. He was isolated from everyone else. He was in his own world. It was a dark world. You could see it in his face, but especially his eyes.

That scared me. Johnny was a nervous wreck, he got scared very easily. So this was bad. I could read his face, it screamed pain and hurt.


	7. Chapter 7 Emptiness

Chapter 7 "Emptiness"

Have you ever felt that you don't know what's going on anymore?

Like you don't care about anything or anyone anymore? You lost those motivations to do anything. You are confused about your feelings and you can't explain what you're feeling.

That you have the feeling of emptiness, and the feeling that no one is there for you. That no one understands you anymore. And it seems like there's nothing to look forward to anymore.

That is how I felt, right then.

Rayna made her brothers leave so she could talk to me, she sat back down on the couch, and stared into my black puffy red eyes.

"Johnny I know how you feel. It's going to be okay," she took my hand in hers.

"No you don't know," I said.

"Trust me I do," she said.

"How do you understand?"

"Because I know what it feels like to beg god to take the pain away," she paused, "you can only keep everything bottled up inside until you snap….i don't want you to snap Johnny…I don't want you to die."

"I'm falling apart and I can feel every little piece hitting the ground and it's killing me," I told her, "I'm slowly giving up. I can't take it."

She gave my hand a small squeeze, "who did this to you?"

I closed my eyes, and sighed, "mymomsboyfriend."

"What?"

"My mom's boyfriend."

Author's note: Sorry this chapter is so short. R&amp;R, please. The next chapter will continue in Johnny's POV.


	8. Chapter 8 feeling so small

Chapter 8 "Feeling so small"

I hate those moments when my anger turns to tears. That has happened to me so many times, it's not even funny. It happened to me when I was found by the gang when I got jumped by the socs when I was 15. I was full of anger but it quickly turned to tears.

I'm angry at my mom's boyfriend, but it all turns to sadness, I really wish it didn't. I escaped the Curtis' after I told Rayna what actually happened. It started to rain when I was almost to the lot.

I love when it rains, I love walking in the rain, cause then no one will know I'm crying, they won't see the pain in my eyes.

Hours later, me and Rayna went out to the movies, and for a walk. She swore she wouldn't tell the gang unless I tell her to. She called it a date, when we got out of the house, and she didn't talk about my mom's boyfriend at all.

After the movies we walked around town, talking. Having those meaningful talks, that I really did miss having.

"When I first met you, I didn't know you would mean this much to me," Rayna told me.

"Me either," I agreed.

"Actually when I first met you, you wouldn't even talk to me," she said.

"I know," I smiled at her.

"I'm glad your talking to me now, I would hate not to be able to hear your amazing voice every day of my life."

"Lucky for me you're a talker."

She laughed, "Yeah, lucky for you. So are we planning to tell the gang about us dating anytime soon?"

"I don't know, should we?" I asked.

"Maybe someday, not just yet. We don't know if it's serious."

She started to run, when she saw the lot coming into view.

"What do you mean serious?" I asked and started to run after her.

She panted out of breath, and sat against the tree. The sun was setting, and when she looked out to the distance, watching the pink/orange/yellow/blue sky, she patted the ground for me to sit. We talked until she had to go.

She pulled me up by the arm, then pushed me against the tree.

"I love you," she smiled then kissed me on the cheek.

"Love you too," I told her.

"DO want to stay the night?"

"No, it's fine out here," I said, "I'm not ready to go back anyways."

"Okay," she paused, then looked back at me, "you want to know something Brandon used to say to me, that I think will help you?"

"What?"

"If what ahead of you scares you, and what is behind you hurts you, then just look above. He never fails to help you," she smiled at the last verse, then left before I could say anything.

I watched her run off in Pony's old jeans, and Soda's old shirt, her hair flying in the breeze. I slumped down, and just sat watching the sunset and ripping grass out and letting it blow away.

I eventually got up, and headed back to my house. Maybe, just maybe my mom, and her boyfriend wouldn't be home.

I walked in to the smell of stale smoke, and beer.

"Where have you been?" a deep, calm voice asked.

"Out," I said, trying to keep my cool.

"Where's out?" he asked coming in site.

I glance at him then look back at the stairs, my escape. His t-shirt had rips and stains, jeans ripped, and was currently washing dishes, something my dad never did.

"Why do you care?"

"Why should I not care? It's disrespectful to talk to an adult like that, hasn't anyone taught you manners?"

"Yeah, unfortunately. But they taught me the wrong way," I said.

"Or they didn't teach you at all. There is no wrong way for discipline," he pointed out.

"Abuse is wrong," I mumbled.

"Abuse doesn't exist, only tough love."

"Abuse does exist," I said, "You don't know anything."

I turned and ran out the door before he could say anything else. It was stupid of me to think I could even go back just to change clothes.


	9. Chapter 9 Swallow my pride

Chapter 9 "Swallow my pride"

It's been 2 days since I went out with Johnny that night and talked. Now it was Thursday, a regular school day.

But then I had gym. It was a free day outside, and there was a whole bunch of activities. Basketball, volleyball, and football. I played football with some of my school friends, Matthew, Devin, Blaine, Nelson, Tommy, Garret, and Josh.

We were all on a team, and the soc boys were on the opposite team. My school friends were all middle class, I was the only greaser in my gym class, and in the game of football at the moment.

So the soc boys refused to have me on their team, so I went on the middle class team. It was a fair game. But since I was a girl, and a greaser, the odds were against me.

I was quarter back, I could have gave the ball off to a receiver, but I did the stupid thing of keeping the ball and running.

Steve, Dallas, and Two-bit were on the bleachers talking, and smoking. Glancing over at me every now and then.

I ran with the ball half way down the field before I got tackled. I hit the ground hard. Two guys piled on top of me. I must have landed on my foot wrong, cause pain shot up my foot to my ankle.

"Get off," I yelled, "get off."

They ignored me and tried to get the ball from under me again. I got the ball and threw it away from me, "Now get off," I screamed.

They ran after the ball and I tried to get up, I couldn't and quickly fell again. I broke my foot, I thought, great.

The next thing I remember is being in the nurse's office waiting for Darry or Soda to come pick me up.

Darry and Soda picked me and Pony up and we went straight to the hospital. My foot was severely fractured.

I had to have one of those wraps or brace or whatever you call it, on my foot.

I had to keep it on for two whole weeks. I also had to use crutches at home, so I only got to walk on my foot a little each day at school.

It sucked, and Soda, Darry and Pony would baby me, they would get me stuff, offer to help me get up, and remind me not to walk on my foot. It was like I was grounded, I couldn't walk anywhere. So I had to wait for someone to drive me.

While I was in pain, I'm sure other people were too, like someone I know that goes by Johnny Cade. None of us saw him for 3 days. And when he's missing like this, it never ends well.

But then one night I went for a walk, it was really late and I just kind of limped around, since I had the brace on. I found Johnny in the park on a swing, sitting there looking at the ground.

"Hey, r u alright?" I asked him.

I must have said it too loud or something, cause he nearly jumped out of his skin. He whips his head around to look at me, his color comes back, he turns back around, and slumps down.

I walk over next to him, and sat on the swing.

"Johnny?" I said.

"What?" he asked, his voice was rough, and unsteady.

"You alright?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine," he whispered.

"Come back home with me," I grabbed his arm, and he got up.

He followed me all the way home. All the lights were on in the house, which scared me, but then again everyone could be asleep, and just forgot to turn them off.

I doubt it though.

Pony, Soda, and Darry were asleep, but Two-bit was there drinking beer and watching Mickey Mouse on the couch.

"Hey kids," he said when we walked in.

I went around turning all the lights off except for the one in the living room, "Two-bit do you really have to turn on every light in the whole house, is that really necessary!?"

"Yes, yes it is," he smirked, then noticed Johnny standing there awkwardly by the door with his head down, "hey kid come sit over here, don't have to stand there, it's your house too."

Johnny walked over kind of trembling, from being cold or scared, I don't know.

Two-bit saw that scared, lost, nervous look in his eyes, and looked over at me. Two-bit gave me that look like saying, 'what's wrong with Johnnycake'.

I didn't know what was wrong with him to be honest, he seemed fine when I saw him at the park.

"Hey guys, I'm going to bed, you know where the blankets and pillows are. Johnny stay here tonight, okay?" I said.

He nodded.

I speed walked upstairs and went straight to bed. Surprisingly I went to sleep.

The next day after I got home from school, no one was home, not even Johnny, but Two-bit didn't go to school that day so I was guessing that Two-bit took Johnny out.

The phone started ringing again, so I hurried to pick it up thinking it was Darry, saying he was going to be late tonight. Or Soda just checking up on me, or maybe even Two-bit or Johnny.

Pony didn't walk with me because of his track meet. I was in track but quit after a while.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey," just by the voice I could tell it was that man again.

The man that claimed to be my dead brother, Brandon.

"Don't hang up, please. I need to talk to you."

"Then you better talk fast," I snapped.

"Alright you won't hang up?" he questioned.

"Depends on what you say."

He took a deep breath, and then said, "My name is Brandon."

"We already went over this, you're not my brother, my brother is dead," my voice cracked at 'dead'.

"I know it's hard to believe, but I'm alive, I been in a coma for the past 2 years. But I'm awake now, and I want to see you, please Rayna believe me," the man pleaded.

"If your my brother, then why didn't you just come see me, you know in person. That would be a lot smarter than doing it on the phone," I said.

"I know," he paused, "but you never told me where the house you were staying at is. You didn't tell me when we called each other, and I thought you were kidnapped, remember that?"

"Yeah, of course I remember that."

The man had a point, plus who else would know about that, except for the gang.

And my brothers.

"Do you believe me?" he asked.

"Why should I?"

"Because I'm telling the truth. You are so stubborn Rayna."

"I know," I said and smiled. It slipped out, I didn't mean to say I know, or smile.

"Can I come see you?" He asked.

"I'm not just going to give you my address."

"Then let's meet."

"Where?" I ask.

"At Dairy Queen."

"When?"

"Whenever you want to," he told me.

"Okay, right now."

"Uh…okay, see you in a little bit."

He hanged up.

What the hell was I doing, I thought?

I rushed upstairs, threw my bag down, and ran out the door.

I was so excited, and scared at the same time, I didn't know what to do.

I must have ran the whole way.

When I finally got there, there was a fight going on in the parking lot. I ignored it and went inside. I looked around, it was too crowded.

But then, finally I recognized someone. The man had brown hair that hung loose to his ears, and tan skin.

He turned around and we met eyes. His brown ones met with my mixed ones.

My eyes started to water, and my nose started to run.

He was my brother. My one and only.

Brandon.


	10. Chapter 10 You're the one i love

Chapter 10 "You're the one I love"

The next morning I escaped the Curtis' and went for a walk. I knew once Two-bit woke up and see that I'm gone he will either think I'll show up later or come look for me.

I passed my house before I passed the lot and when I passed I could hear laughing. I was strange to me, but I bet it was even stranger for the neighbors.

I walked in and the first thing I heard was the TV, a soap opera was on, the ones my mom watched when I was 12.

But the thing is no one was in the living room. I walked to the kitchen and standing at the stove was Frank.

"Where have you been?" he asked.

"At a friend's house," I mumbled.

"Your mother said you didn't have any friends," he said.

"You shouldn't listen to my mom, she lies."

"She doesn't lie you lie, now really where were you?"

"At a friend's, like I said. I don't lie," I said.

"Uh-huh, sure you don't," he turned around, "I'll believe that when pigs fly."

"Why are you here anyways?" I ask.

"Is that really your business?"

"It's my house, so yeah it is my business," I sneered.

He stepped forward and slapped me, "don't talk to your elders like that, hasn't anyone taught you better?"

"Yeah actually, my dad has. But all the wrong ways."

"Me and your mother will just go out to eat, I'll pick her up from her work and we will go out to a nice restaurant."

"Oh yeah, how are you going to do that, you don't have any money?" I ask.

"I have money, you just don't know about it," he then turned and walked out the door.

Right then the phone started to ring. For a moment I forgot I even had a phone in my house, I mean I never used it but I have saw it before. I just didn't know where.

I started to look around, and there on the wall by the fridge was the phone. I ran and answered it, "Hello?"

"Hey Johnnycakes," Two-bit said from the other end of the line.

"Hey…"

I didn't even know where the phone was, how does Two-bit know the number.

"What are you doing at your house?"

"I came to change clothes," I said quickly.

"Oh, well I'm coming to pick you up, we're going to the DX."

"What about Rayna?" I asked.

"Soda says not to wake her from her beauty sleep," he laughed.

"Okay, then I guess I'll see you in a bit," I hanged up.

But before I could walk away, it started to ring again.

"What do you want know Two-bit?" I asked.

"Uh…this isn't Two-bit honey," a woman's voice said.

"Then who is this?"

"Social worker,-"

Before she could finish Two-bit slammed the phone down, "Come on Johnny, no time to talk to ladies now."

He dragged me outside, and Dally was waiting in the passenger seat. I climbed in back and watched out the window with the radio blasting all the way to the DX.

Soda and Steve were waiting outside talking to a couple of girls. We got out and I walked behind Dallas and Two-bit as we made our way towards them.

"Hey Soda here come the hobos," Steve remarked, grinning.

The girls laughed and looked back at us, the brown haired girl which I recognized as Evie said, "Hey boys, are y'all staying out of trouble?"

"Nope," Two-bit laughed, grinning.

"What do you think?!" Dallas smirked.

Evie smirked then smiled at me, "And how about you Johnny, how are you doing?"

I looked up at her, then back down as I mumbled, "Good, I guess."

Evie smiled once more then turned to Steve, and gave him a kiss right after she said, "I'm going to go use the rest room I'll be right back."

I kept my head down just barely glancing up to see Evie's friend follow her inside of the DX.

I'm bashful, I guess you can call it, with girls. The whole gang knows, except Dallas and the girls, Steve knows especially since he was there. Sylvia tried to hook up with me, well more than hook up with me, if you know what I mean.

Just in case you don't know, Sylvia is Dally's ex-girlfriend. No one told Dallas, Steve made the gang swear not to tell. So to this day Dallas doesn't know what happened.

**Flash Back**

~~ "Come on, the movie is about to start," Pony nudged me, as I got the cokes and we made it back to our seats.

I was 15, and Pony was 13 by the way. Soda, Steve, and Two-bit were near but they were hanging out with their girlfriends, and Dallas, well Dallas was in jail again.

As we sat down, 15 minutes into the movie a voice appeared out of nowhere, "Hey boys, have any of you seen Dallas?"

"Haven't you heard," Pony turned around, "Dallas is in the cooler, again for harassing some socs on school grounds."

"That piece of shit, always getting into bullshit."

I flinched, at the cuss words.

Then Sylvia did the unexpected she walked around and sat down right next to me putting her arm around me, "about you and I go for a walk and we can talk."

"Uh," I thought up an excuse, "I c-can't leave Pony Boy."

Sylvia looked over at him then said in my ear, "he'll be fine, won't you Pony Boy?"

"Um-," Pony couldn't think of anything to say, I could tell.

Before Pony could think up anything to say Sylvia pulled me up and kind of dragged me out of the drive-in. It was dark and I could barely see, but Sylvia seemed to know where she was going.

She stopped at the fence at the edge of the drive-in, and pushed me against it. She started to lean against me and managed to kiss me. I pulled back, but since there was a fence behind me I had nowhere to go.

I was a 15 year old boy and she was an 18 year old girl, why did she want me?

But then again, Sylvia was a slut, even Dallas said she was. She got with every guy possible, every guy she could get her hands on. And her hands were on me. I was doomed.

"Hey get your filthy hands off him," someone yelled from the distance.

She let go of me and turned around, I back away. It was Steve, Soda, Two-bit, and Pony.

Steve grabbed Sylvia by the end of her jacket sleeve, "If I ever see you near Johnny again, I swear to god I will slap you so hard you won't know what hit you, and I don't care if you're a girl or not, you filthy disgusting slut."

He let go of her, and turned to me, "come on Johnnycake."

I looked up at him, as he kept an eye on Sylvia as she made her way out of the drive-in. ~~ **End of Flashback**


	11. Chapter 11 I would have followed u

Chapter 11 "I would have followed you"

I think I might have stopped breathing for a few seconds when I saw his face. I felt like I might have died and went to heaven. But would heaven really be in a Dairy Queen fast food restaurant.

He stared at me, then looked at the back door, and then mouthed at me, 'this way'.

He walked out and I ran after him. As soon as we got outside, we were in each other's arms and we didn't let go for a long time. It's hard to find the right words to express the feeling I felt right then.

I mean how would you feel to be in your brother's arms? The brother that everyone told you was dead.

"Dad didn't want me to take care of you, that's why he told the doctors not to tell you I was alive. I heard he got the death penalty. When I woke up the doctors didn't have control over me anymore. And dad told the doctors I probably wouldn't live anyways."

I had nothing to say to that.

I just started to cry and whispered to him, "well dad was wrong, you are superman."

"Where have you been staying?" Brandon asked me.

As we got a seat at this fancy restaurant.

"The Curtis'."

"Care to explain who they are?"

"The guys you talked to the first time you called," I said.

"Oh them, they're really protective of you aren't they?"

"Yeah, well the first guy you talked to, that's who adopted me," I told him.

"Really?!"

"Yeah, really!"

"Well I started to work with this guy at the hospital. He helped me recover, and he said I should go to college. He told me, that he would give me the money to get an apartment around here, and then go to college this spring."

"That's great."

"Yeah I know, I wanted to talk to you before I left. Don't tell the guys that are taking care of you that I'm leaving tomorrow. I want you to continue your life, okay?"

"Okay," I smiled.

"Do you want me to drop you off, at least at your neighborhood?" he asked.

"You have a car?"

"No, but I can get one, borrow one from someone."

"You have friends?!" I acted shocked.

"Yeah, very funny," he grinned, "anyways I almost forgot that I already borrowed one from my doctor, I left it at Dairy Queen."

"Alright, let's go."

With that Brandon left the money on the table and we left.

The drive was short, it seemed. We talked the whole time, and in almost every sentence there was an 'I love you' in it. Then came the road leading to my neighborhood, and my heart sank.

It was time.

I sank down into my seat, and looked up at my older brother.

"It's time," he said sadly.

I nodded, we didn't say anything, but I collapsed into his arms, and we hugged, and I kissed him on the cheek.

We didn't say I love you to each other until I was out of the car.

I knew this was for his and my own good, he had to get an education and get his life back on track, I mean he has been in a coma for 2 years.

It's not like he's never going to come back, now that he knows I'm alive and safe and knows where I am at, he'll come back.

He always comes back.

I had a block to walk before I was back home. My hands clenched in fists in my pockets, I walked slowly.

Crying, and sniffling.

To be honest I don't know if it was tears of joy or of sadness. He's alive, but he's leaving. All I know is I was crying for a good reason, and that's good enough for me.

Every few minutes I would rub my eyes, and eventually I was back home. I went upstairs and changed out of jeans to leggings. Now wearing a red flannel with a black tank top underneath, red leggings, and bluish/greenish converse.

I went downstairs and called the DX, expecting everyone to be there by now.

"DX gas station, Steve speaking. How can I help you?"

"You can help me by telling me if everyone is there," I said.

"Oh, hey Rayna. Yeah everyone is here except Pony's at track and Darry's at work."

"Okay, well I'm coming over," I hanged up.

I stopped at the bathroom first looking at myself to see if it looks like I been crying, it didn't so I took off.

For some reason when I cry it never looks like I cried afterwards, I mean I'll have to cry for 2 hours straight for people to realize I been crying, and even then I only look like I been crying for about a few minutes.

But I'm thankful for that.

Walking through the parking lot, I could already see everyone.

Steve was right EVERYONE was here except Pony and Darry. Ciara, Scar, and Ocean was even here. Evie was leaning on the car Steve was working on. Soda was holding hands with Ocean while they talked to Two-bit and Scar, and Dallas, Ciara, and Johnny.

Two-bit with his arm around Scarlett, and Dallas and Ciara were almost on top of each other, they were so close. Ciara holding one of Dally's hands, on his lap, and leaning her head on his shoulder, listening to Dally's every word.

Johnny was kind of in the back ground listening to Ocean's and Scar's conversation, Two-bit, Soda, and Dally's conversation, and watching Steve working on the car.

It most have been awkward for Johnny.

I walked up to them, "hey guys, were you just going to let me sleep all day, or what?"

"Well, Soda Pop over here said you needed your beauty sleep," Two-bit said, making Dally snicker.

"I would have woke up, if you tried to," I crossed my arms.

"Yeah whatever," Soda commented.

So later on, I don't know who decided this or when we decided this but we ended up walking to the lot to hang out.

Steve and Evie side by side holding hands, Steve with Soda walking beside him holding Ocean's hand, and talking. Dally and Ciara holding hands, Dally walking aside Two-bit and talking while Two-bit held Scar's hand.

Then me and Johnny in the background, walking a few feet behind talking.

"So where did you go this morning?" I asked.

"To my house," he paused looking down and then all of sudden looked up at me and said, "that reminds me, I have to tell you something that you cannot tell the gang."

"Never?"

"No not never, but for a while."

"Okay, what?"

"Um…so a social worker called me at my house today," he said slowly.

"What? Why?"

He shrugs then says, "but I know the social worker, Rayna….she's MY social worker, MY social worker that I had as a kid."


	12. Chapter 12 just starting to crawl

Chapter 12 "Just starting to crawl"

I don't know what I was going to expect, how Rayna was going to react, or anything like that. I just wanted to get it out to someone. I was planning to tell the whole gang tonight.

The social worker on the phone, even if she didn't say her name I knew who it was.

"What do you mean 'Social worker as a kid'? What did your dad get in trouble or something?" she asked, a look of a confusion spreading across her face.

"No, but uh- I'll tell you later when I tell the whole gang."

"Okay, if you say so," she whispers.

"You know what, you and Johnny should go out," Two-bit commented, taking a swig of his beer.

"Yeah, I think you guys would be a perfect couple," Ciara winked at Rayna.

'What did she tell her,' I thought.

Me and Rayna glanced at each other and smiled.

"No but seriously, the two of them holding hands and hugging, would be adorable," Two-bit said.

"But what about Pony and Darry?" Scar asked.

"They can date each other," Two-bit remarked.

"Their brothers though," Ocean pointed out.

"That's so messed up," Soda said, laughing.

"What do you expect from Two-bit, he has a dirty mind," Dallas said.

"And you don't?!" Evie laughed.

"Let's face it Pony will be single forever," Steve smirked, "maybe Darry too."

"I don't know I can see Darry dating once we are out of his house," Rayna said.

Everyone nodded and agreed then went back to their own conversations.

Then came that night after Evie, Ciara, and Scar went home, and it was just me the gang and Rayna.

"So, you had something to tell us, Johnny," Rayna said loudly, making sure everyone was in the room and that everyone heard.

"What are you talking about Rayna?" Dallas asked.

"Johnny told me he has a social worker."

"Wait what?!" Dally sat up, choking on his beer.

They all looked up at me with confused, surprised looks.

So I started to explain the phone call, and how Two-bit hanged up the phone before I could know anything else.

"Do you want to call her on our phone?" Darry asked me.

I shrug, "I guess."

I went to their kitchen and dialed her number. The gang turned the TV down and just listened.

"Hello, Zoey speaking."

"H-hey its Johnny Cade."

"Oh Johnny, how are you since the last time I talked to you?"

"Fine," I lied.

"Okay, do you remember who I am?"

"Yeah, you're Zoey, my social worker," I said.

"Good you remember, but here's the thing you need to come back to the orphanage, I heard about your adoptive dad, and everything that had happened to you. I'm sorry, I didn't listen to you."

"It's okay, I'm still alive," I paused, a flashback going through my head, "but Summer isn't, you could have saved Summer."

"I know," she said quietly, "it wasn't of my control."

"I wish it was. I'm not going back, I hope you know. I am not ever going back. I escaped once, I'm not escaping twice."

"You don't have to, because this time I'm going through it with you, I won't leave you this time."

"That's what you said last time, I haven't talked to you in 6 years. Yeah that's totally not leaving me," I hanged up and turned to the gang, "I have to tell you guys something that I kept away from y'all from the day I met you guys...and none of you will like it."

They looked at me.

"I'm an orphan, I been an orphan since when I was 3 years old."

Chapter 12 "Just starting to crawl"

I don't know what I was going to expect, how Rayna was going to react, or anything like that. I just wanted to get it out to someone. I was planning to tell the whole gang tonight.

The social worker on the phone, even if she didn't say her name I knew who it was.

"What do you mean 'Social worker as a kid'? What did your dad get in trouble or something?" she asked, a look of a confusion spreading across her face.

"No, but uh- I'll tell you later when I tell the whole gang."

"Okay, if you say so," she whispers.

"You know what, you and Johnny should go out," Two-bit commented, taking a swig of his beer.

"Yeah, I think you guys would be a perfect couple," Ciara winked at Rayna.

'What did she tell her,' I thought.

Me and Rayna glanced at each other and smiled.

"No but seriously, the two of them holding hands and hugging, would be adorable," Two-bit said.

"But what about Pony and Darry?" Scar asked.

"They can date each other," Two-bit remarked.

"Their brothers though," Ocean pointed out.

"That's so messed up," Soda said, laughing.

"What do you expect from Two-bit, he has a dirty mind," Dallas said.

"And you don't?!" Evie laughed.

"Let's face it Pony will be single forever," Steve smirked, "maybe Darry too."

"I don't know I can see Darry dating once we are out of his house," Rayna said.

Everyone nodded and agreed then went back to their own conversations.

Then came that night after Evie, Ciara, and Scar went home, and it was just me the gang and Rayna.

"So, you had something to tell us, Johnny," Rayna said loudly, making sure everyone was in the room and that everyone heard.

"What are you talking about Rayna?" Dallas asked.

"Johnny told me he has a social worker."

"Wait what?!" Dally sat up, choking on his beer.

They all looked up at me with confused, surprised looks.

So I started to explain the phone call, and how Two-bit hanged up the phone before I could know anything else.

"Do you want to call her on our phone?" Darry asked me.

I shrug, "I guess."

I went to their kitchen and dialed her number. The gang turned the TV down and just listened.

"Hello, Zoey speaking."

"H-hey its Johnny Cade."

"Oh Johnny, how are you since the last time I talked to you?"

"Fine," I lied.

"Okay, do you remember who I am?"

"Yeah, you're Zoey, my social worker," I said.

"Good you remember, but here's the thing you need to come back to the orphanage, I heard about your adoptive dad, and everything that had happened to you. I'm sorry, I didn't listen to you."

"It's okay, I'm still alive," I paused, a flashback going through my head, "but Summer isn't, you could have saved Summer."

"I know," she said quietly, "it wasn't of my control."

"I wish it was. I'm not going back, I hope you know. I am not ever going back. I escaped once, I'm not escaping twice."

"You don't have to, because this time I'm going through it with you, I won't leave you this time."

"That's what you said last time, I haven't talked to you in 6 years. Yeah that's totally not leaving me," I hanged up and turned to the gang, "I have to tell you guys something that I kept away from y'all from the day I met you guys...and none of you will like it."

They looked at me.

"I'm an orphan, I been an orphan since when I was 3 years old."


	13. Epilogue (sneak peak)

Epilogue/sneak peak of 4th book "But Never Forgotten"

"I was 3 years old when I was taken from my actual home. Apparently my mom was murdered by my dad, and I have siblings I just don't know where. So I became an orphan and also a foster kid."

Sometimes someone hurts you so bad, it stops hurting at all. Until something makes you feel good, and then it all comes back.

Every word.

Every hurt.

Every moment.

How could you ever understand where I come from?

Even if you ask.

Even if you listen.

You do not really, see or hear or feel. You don't remember my story. You haven't walked my path. You haven't seen what I've seen.

My past defines me. This is who I am. I am, unseen, unheard, unwanted. That is what I am. If even I am anything.

It seems like the same thing that held me up, forced me down. My world turned upside down, and order disappeared. Nothing was how it was supposed to be, and a heavy sadness filled my soul.

Deeper and deeper I fell in myself, and nothing could show me out. Trapped in the misery of my life. Lost in the sorrow of my soul.

Unable to see light.

Unable to see the dawn, to feel, to hurt, to dream.

I found the darkest dreams of my life kept coming. The blackest nights of my soul never stopped. It seemed like it was always night time and night mares and never morning. And maybe you wonder why. But mostly you try not to think about it.

And try to get by.

Try to survive.

And all the other stuff seemed like nothing, compared to just wanting the most important things back again. Like wishing you could see your mom's smile again, and hear her sing that one favorite song that always calmed you down.

Things were almost up.

Or if you couldn't have her back; at least get to take care of your baby brother. Cause you know he needs you. And you know he's going to be so scared all alone.

Who's going to hold his hand, and whisper, 'it will be alright' to him? And who will whisper it to me?

I know that I'm helpless.

Dependable.

Desperate.

But what happens when those who you need the most threaten your own existence? I heard plenty of promises, and they all sound the same. But if you push hard enough, sooner or later they prove to be empty.

The sun comes up every morning. But do you know where? Each place it's somewhere different. It's hard to find east when you keep moving around, but at least it comes. It always comes. I've come to depend on that.

And slowly, slowly seasons change around me. And it seems this time that maybe the world would not be pulled from under me again. Feet safe, roots starting to grow, little buds of hope for me.

Slowly, I am trusting this new life.

I wish someone would tell me it's going to be okay. Maybe one day, I'll feel normal. Then I won't always be alone. Then I'll have a mommy that would hug me and be strong for me, cause maybe I can't do it all by myself.

This my past, my history, my story is not my fault. It's not because of me, and it doesn't have to be what defines my future.

I am loveable.

I am worthy of care.

In that glimmer of light, it makes all the difference. The glimmers of light gives me hope, that someday my summer will come.

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
